Friday, September 28, 2007

Fair Smair

There is so much in life that's so unfair.

People have different ways of figuring out how to cope with the unfairness. For instance, it strikes me as unfair that some people I know are struggling to find exactly the right themed lamp for their child's designer bed room, while I'm watching my child get physically sick because we can't afford to move to a house uncontaminated by mold.

It's just so unfair. It makes me angry. It makes me sick. It makes me want to smoke!

Unfairness existed before I quit smoking, but now I find myself not knowing what to do with it. The situation is the same, but my "go to" to relieve the stress is gone.

I take deep breathes, chug glasses of water, work, write, and exercise like mad. They're effective, but harder than just popping a cigarrette in my mouth. There's no immediate fix like a rush of nicotine to my brain. The solution is slow and steady rather than a quick fix.

One of the hardest things is just to say, Okay, it's not fair. So what?

Not to get all addict-recovery 12-step on you, but the serenity prayer goes like this:

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Can I change the spending habits of other people? I can not. Can I change how other people treat others. I can not. Can I make other people compassionate? No. Can I force others to change their perceptions of money? No, siree.

Can I find ways to make more money to change our situation? I can. At least I can try. I can work on this website and hope that the goodness I put out into the world will translate into a mold-free home for my son.

The only thing that is not doing me any favors is getting caught up in the fairness of it all. That's something I just need to let go of - the expectation of fairness. Fairness just has no relationship to reality.

We teach it to our children - Don't take his toy, it's not fair. You have to share with her, to be fair. But, the expectation of fairness holds up emotional progress - at least it does for me. It's difficult to let it go.

Does anyone else get hung up on fairness?

1 comment:

NRI said...

Yes, I am cmpletely obsessed with unfairness. The world is hideous. I cannot belive we must live like this!!! I can barely stand it. I have no coping mechanism but self destruction. Perhaps I would be more motivated if had children.